I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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