Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
