you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
