Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
