I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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