I CAN MOONWALK!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
