I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
