Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
