No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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