dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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