I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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