ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
