do herpes really smell.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
