He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
We smell like vodka and hangover
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