I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
one might say we're banned from that church
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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