So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Randomize
