I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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