when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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