i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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