just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
