I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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