Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
