Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
