He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I party with great urgency now.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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