I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
