I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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