if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
