good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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