im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
