I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
