Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
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we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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