I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
