I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fuck appropriateness.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
