Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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