You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
