So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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