I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I will pee on everything he values.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
