Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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