Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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