you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
