i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
