Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
