The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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