genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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