There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
