i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
