We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize