not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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