He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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