***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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