I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
