dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
