I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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