Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
