Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i think we sleep fucked last night...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize