Duck Duck Cougar?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
