Don't you send me to vm
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
