you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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