Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
