I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
