last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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