I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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