I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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