If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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