can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm sobbing to NWA
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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