It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
