good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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