It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
