peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
